Obvious Advice

There was some advice I wanted to let everyone know about after someone at work said something rather unintelligent, but when I went back to think about it, I couldn't remember what it was. So then I decided to post some obvious advice and hope to entertain anyone who happens to read this. So here it goes!

Don't fall off ladders. (You'll hurt them.)
Don't lift things that are heavier than you. (You'll lose your center of gravity and float.)
Don't eat soap. (It'll spoil your supper.)
Don't adopt too many kittens. (Candles are a better choice.)
Don't brush your teeth too many times in one day. (You'll run out of toothpaste.)
Don't play with matches. (Mismatches are safer.)

Always have a tree handy. (You never know when you'll need some shade.)
Remember the back of your hand. (Otherwise you'll never know anyone else very well.)
Use the Internet. (Al Gore invented it.)
Pet rabbits. (That's a suggestion, not an object.)
Stop, drop, and roll. (It's good exercise.)


I think I'm done. This isn't nearly as funny as I thought it would be. I'm sorry if I just wasted a couple minutes of your life. But maybe you didn't know some of these things as they got to be more silly than obvious.

Till next time

A Dime, Carribea, and Seriously? You Couldn't Figure that Out?

Today my subjects are all related to my job. While funny, they also make me roll my eyes and wonder why people are the way they are.

One day a girl walked through my line with her parents. She said to her dad, "There's a dime on the floor." The conversation then went something like this:
"No there's not."
"Yeah there is, look."
"No there's not." (begins to chuckle)
"Yes there IS. Don't you see it?"
"There's not a dime on the floor." (laughing harder)
"Dad, LOOK! There's a dime on the floor!"
"I see it, but it's not a dime."
He was right. It was a quarter. Did I mention this girl was high-school age?
Her mom then informed her dad, "Yeah. She failed math." Really?

Another girl was in line with her mom, and she mentioned a Hispanic name I can't remember. Then she mentioned the girl lived in "Like Carribea or something." Her mom, making me burst out with laughter (I didn't want to be rude, but the comment shocked me), said, "CARRIBEA?!"
"One of those states," the girl replied.
"States?"
"Countries."
Someone else in line said, "You mean the Carribean?"
The girl said, "No, I don't remember where she's from." After careful thought, she said, "Cuba! That's where she's from.... No. I don't know."
Yeah. She was high-school aged too. Unfortunately, it was not the same girl.

I read the fronts of magazines in passing and when I'm waiting for customers to do things like write checks, put their things away, and figure out which button is the "cancel" button on the pin pad. I usually see stupid things but things that I can imagine people being interested in for some weird reason*. Once in awhile I see something that makes me want to go to the writers of the magazines and be like, "Do you READ what you write?" This instance found me seeing a certain pregnant celebrity, and underneath, the caption: "Her bump gets bigger!" No freaking way. I actually thought she would carry a one-pound baby for the next five months and then give birth to it. That's like saying, "Her hair is growing!" Can you believe it?


*I somewhat equate celebrity worship/gossip with being nosy about non-famous people you don't know. Think about it. Can you imagine seeing a generic newsletter with headlines such as "Karen Spick: She got bloodwork, and it Came Back Negative!" "Joseph Dwain and His Family Go Shopping and Buy Groceries" "The Whitethorns are Buying A Hybrid!"
Sounds stupid, doesn't it?

Le Work, Les Smarties

I see so many interesting things at work, and a couple weekends ago Halloween helped that. There was some little Halloween party for little kids at the park, and people were at the store buying last-minute things for it. Here are two things I saw:

There was a woman in her 30s (probably) with her kid whom I assume was adopted because he was Asian. He bought a couple of onesies, presumably for a baby sister. Then he put his Halloween costume up on the counter. It was a ninja costume. I had to try not to laugh or high-five him and just asked him if it was his costume. Of course it was!

Later I saw the most adorable thing ever which was a tiny blonde girl who was probably about three years old dressed as a pirate. I had to stop myself from squealing with delight at the cuteness.

Also that day I saw a lady who was probably in her 80s with a Spider-Man lanyard around her neck. I told Jon because he's really into superheroes. He thought it was cool.

Something also happened today that I thought I would share. I tend to find presents in my shoes from Tillie. (At least I think that's who it is. I'm her favorite.) Notice I didn't put quotation marks around the word "presents," so as not to imply that she poops in my shoes as I've heard some cats do. No, these are nice presents. Or at least she thinks they're nice. I've found Easter eggs (which Jon got me for Easter, but Tillie has managed to dig out and scatter about the house at least 20 since then), pencils, and other toys in my shoes when I've tried to put them on. Today I found a roll of Smarties. I very much like my cats.

About me and some other things

Instead of doing an introductory blog I've decided to put things about me throughout my blogs so you can remember me better and don't learn too much about me all at once.

Here are three things that have recently been in my mind:

I work at a store. It's not too bad. The other day a woman went through my line with two kids. Her daughter, who looked to be about 9 years old, picked up a package of Turtles (the candy kind) and said, "Mom, I found your lunch!" sarcastically. I laughed, and the girl, to back up her claim, said, "Mom can eat chocolate for DAYS!"

Jon (my husband) and I figured out our ticket to riches while in the pet store; we are going to try to get our cat Oscar in the modeling business. He is the older, fatter, prettier cat of our two (Tillie is a cute fluffy gray one). We discovered that nearly the majority cat products with pictures of cats on them have pictures of cats who look like Oscar--orange with a tabby pattern and quite large. In fact, we even have a picture we found at a flea market of an Oscaresque cat looking into a fish bowl.

Hipsterism is self-referentially incoherent. I like discovering this about various things, particularly stupid things. Self-referential incoherence is a philosophy term referring to things that, according to their own principles, do not support themselves. The way that Hipsters make their subculture so is by requiring that all hipsters think, act, and dress alike in order to be pure in the Hipster Way. And, as most or all of us know, Hipsters are completely "against" anything mainstream. But they make themselves mainstream by all being alike. Is being just like all the other Hipsters an exception to their rule, or do they just not realize that they are completely distinguishable from normal people? I chose Hipsters to pick on because they are the most current subculture, but it happens with just about every subculture: Punks, Goths, and Emos, to name a few.

I hope lots of people read this!
Ciao